Crazies

On a certain level, crazy is not something to joke about. Crazy is a real thing, and I have experienced it first hand. A lot. But there is a different kind of crazy. A more personal kind of crazy. What I mean is, everyone has ideas about things that people do that are crazy and those ideas usually differ from person to person. So I'm here to share with you my idea of "crazy."

Even within my own personal brands of crazy, there are still different flavors of crazy. For instance, hoarders. If you've ever watched the TV show, you know what I'm talking about. I think everyone hoards to a certain extent. I still have the softball glove I used in little league, but that has a lot of sentimental value. I'm talking about the nutsos on that show that will keep something like a broken dresser drawer because they can use it to drain oil into the next time they change the oil in the car. It doesn't help that that particular drawer is just one thing in a giant massive shit heap of crap littering your yard, your garage, and your house to the point of needing rock climbing equipment to get up to the second floor. You might think I'm exaggerating, but I'm really not. I saw it with my own two eyes.. Why anyone would rather hold on to some useless piece of crap than to keep their house from getting demolished is beyond me, but that's why the show exists. To help those crazies.

Then there's another kind of crazy that might still seem sane to many people - lotsokids. Hubby and I do want to have kids, just not right now and not more than 2. Well, maybe 3, but definitely not more than that. That's about all I think we can cope with. So people who willingly have 6, 8, 12, or even 19 kids. . . I call that crazy. Why anyone would subject themselves to that kind of mayhem and money suck is something I just don't understand.

Then there's a group of people that take crazy to a whole new level: Alaskans.

I guess you could include Northern Canadians, but I cannot speak much of them because I have not been to Northern Canadia. I have been to Alaska, though. Let me tell you something. Alaska is beautiful. It's the kind of beauty that I don't think can really be appreciated unless you see it for yourself. There's something pretty amazing about looking out over an expanse of land reaching in all directions for about 100 miles and not seeing one single man made structure. Check it.

However, I will only step foot in that state between the months of May and September and here's why:

I went there on a business trip in mid-September. The temperature was usually in the 30s. The first day I went into work it was around 32, so I wore my big poofy winter coat, gloves, scarf, the whole bit because 32 is cold to me. Especially when you consider I had just left 70 degree Ohio. When I walked in, they looked at me like I was the strange one. Everyone was wearing a light jacket if they had anything at all. But before I even made it that far, I saw several people riding their bikes around. The kicker was seeing the bike with one of those little trailers behind it. You know, the things you force your little kids into. So those poor tots were riding around exposed to 30 degree weather against their will. Nuh-uh. Not me. As soon as I'm old enough to swipe Daddy's credit card and get on Priceline.com, I'm having William Shatner find me a one-way ticket to warmth and getting the hell out of dodge.

So naturally, being the sane person that I am, I asked the Alaskans a lot of questions about the weather, because to a "mainlander," Alaskan weather is actually a very fascinating subject. Most of the discussion was about things that happen at -40 degrees. Things like ice fog. According to wikipedia, "Ice fog is a type of fog consisting of fine ice crystals suspended in the air. It can happen only in cold areas of the world since water can remain liquid down to -40 °C (-40 °F)." What this means is, any liquid turns solid which includes things like the exhaust coming from your car. Imagine walking through that in solid form. Eugh. There's also square tires. At -40 degrees, the tires on your car freeze and therefore keep the flat shape at the bottom when it's sitting immobile. Makes for a bumpy ride until they warm up. If you go to any house, driveway, or parking lot, you will find outlets. Lots and lots of outlets because all cars pretty much have to be equipped with engine block heaters, oil pain heaters, and the like. Because at -40, even antifreeze freezes. So without the engine heaters plugged in, your car won't start.

That to me, folks, is a special level of crazy of which I will never ever enter. No way. The coldest temperature I've ever seen in my life is probably -7 or thereabouts. And I already want to move to a warmer climate.

There are lots of other flavors of crazy, but I'll save that for another day.