There are two things in life that I think many people take for granted. I know I did pretty much my entire life until this last year and a half. Those two things are time and sleep. A year and a half ago, I started my journey to become a teacher. I enrolled at the local university (from which I had already obtained an utterly useless BA in Art) full time in Integrated Language Arts. Somehow a part of me thought it would be the same this time as it was before. Well, it's not. Before, I was 18-22 years old. I was single. I was still financially dependent on my parents (except for maybe the last few quarters). I worked part time, the most hours I worked being about 16/week. I had 2-3 roommates at any given time to share housing costs with. Things are a little different now. I'm almost 27 years old. I'm married. I get no financial assistance from my parents whatsoever. I work full time, third shift. I have a husband, but no additional roommates to share housing costs with.
I once said in an earlier blog that I had recently read the blog I wrote during college and found it comical. Here's why: I spent most of my blog complaining about not having enough free time, being too busy, being tired, and of course, being single. Now, I'm quite glad to legitimately be rid of that last complaint, but regarding the first three - I was full of it. Back then I had ample free time. I had enough time to take naps, watch movies repeatedly, hang out with friends (a lot), be super involved in campus organizations and my church. Somehow, I would sometimes get burned out. What a load of waffle. I don't really have time for any of that now. I miss hanging out with my friends. I get to spend time with Hubby, but not a whole lot really. And sleep...
Sleep might be the most precious commodity at this point in my life. I've always felt that sleep is important, but that rings true now more than ever. I came into work tonight on about 2 1/2 hours of sleep. This has become a regular thing for me, and if you've never experienced that kind of regular sleep deprivation, it sucks. To me, having to force myself to stay awake, whether it be for work, class, observations, homework, whatever, when I'd really rather sleep is one of the most frustrating things ever. What really sucks is my lack of sleep kinda throws off every other aspect of my life. It makes me grouchy which makes me snap at Hubby. It makes me tired (duh) which makes me not want to do things like laundry or dishes which makes our house a wreck (let me be clear about something - I am not the only one that does this stuff. Hubby definitely does his fair share, but he is in the same boat as me - full time student with a full time job). It makes me not hang out with friends because I'm either just too tired and lethargic or I'm actually asleep for a change. It sucks. I hate it.
Right now the deck is totally stacked against me in terms of happiness. It's winter which we've already established that I despise. And right now, I'm right smack dab in the middle of my 3 year journey to teach. I've been at it a year and a half. I'm tired. I'm worn out. I'm losing my fervor for my goal because that goal still feels so far away. I think once I get passed next quarter and FINALLY become a grad student instead of a 6th year senior, that I'll get a little more pep in my step. I hope so.
So why am I telling you this? Well, I wanted to tell someone. Plus, it has a lot to do with why I never update Monday through Thursday. I'm tired and I'm busy. Although I'm off from work, I tend to milk every free moment at home for either sleep, time with Hubby, time to clean, or if I'm lucky, time to just relax.
So now to make up for my pity party, I shall do Wee Bit Wednesday, a couple days late:
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