The next great american talent search show

The other day, I was driving to my unfairly easy job of sitting by the pool when I came to a stark realization.

I am the greatest singer in the world.

Let me be clear about something. Most of the time, I’m a mediocre vocalist at best. I can generally stay on key and carry a tune, but that does not make a great vocalist. That’s like saying a person who can form complete sentences is the next great American novelist.

However.

When I’m alone in my car, I am the greatest singer in the world. I mean, I’m on par with Adele or Whitney Houston. I am that great. Just try to disprove me. You can’t. Because it’s only when I’m ALONE in my car.

I would love to try out for The Voice, but only if I can audition while alone in my car. For THAT is the place where I am the greatest singer in the world. I figure if I can audition in my car, that would obviously be enough to get me on the show, then maybe the coaches can help me transfer my car singing greatness to the stage.

But this got me thinking...

What if there are others out there just like me? Other people who totally fail at singing in front of others, but would blow you away if there were just some way of hearing their alone car singing. This led me for the idea for the next great talent search show.

Now...there are a few stipulations. This show wouldn’t be possible right now. You might think that you could do it Cash Cab style and call it Singing Cab or something stupid like that, but no, because then the contestant wouldn’t be alone, and it wouldn’t work. So, we would just have to wait a decade or so.

Since we’re kind of descending into a constantly monitored George Orwell 1984-esque police state, it’s only a matter of time until every vehicle is equipped with a surveillance camera, right? So, we just have to wait until that point in the future, then someone needs to make this show happen.

So you’d still have to sign up to “audition.” This way the producers would know which surveillance videos to watch, and, therefore, don’t have to watch video feed for all of America and the contestant would still go on believing they’re totally alone because they don’t know when they’re actually being watched. Then, producers, or whoever, would watch until the contestant started singing. Then they’d chose the best (which of course would include myself because I am the greatest singer in the world when I’m in my car alone) who would then get chosen by a coach a la The Voice who would then help them be able to sing outside the car.


I mean, this is a great idea. I know a lot of my renditions of songs include some road rage outbursts which would just add to the entertainment factor, yeah? Someone needs to make this happen. And in 20 years, when I see this show up on my TV, I can point to this post to prove that the idea was mine first and I will sue the crap out of the network because that’s what we do here in ‘Murica.