Reasons I Hate Winter, Vol. 2

Yep. I suck. Apologies for my lack of bloggage. The quarter started last week and then I got sick, which makes this post that has been sitting in draft status since before Christmas all the more appropriate. Hopefully as I start to settle into my schedule a little more, I'll be blogging more regularly again. Anyway, here it is:

This will be an ongoing series that will likely last through mid-March because there is a whole slew of things that I hate about winter. Today, we're going to talk about health problems brought on by winter. I'm not talking about seasonal affective disorder. I don't think I suffer from that. I do get very moody and grouchy during the winter, but it's because of all the crap I hate about it. So here's your warning, after New Years, I'll be a bit of a sourpuss.

Anyway, of the few physical ailments that seem to be attached to coldness, the one that is by far the most inconvenient and annoying is dry skin.

 

Dry skin has only become a noticeable problem for me over the last 5 years or so, but it's gotten worse every year. And let me tell you, if you don't have this problem, it is a BITCH!! It's to the point now where I am all dry, flaky, and itchy even immediately after getting out of the shower. I use moisturizing lotion and all that jazz, but it only goes so far. 

Nose Bleeds

I fall under the more common category here. I'm never gushing blood or anything, but every time I blow my nose, there's a significant swatch of red in what comes out. This tends to make me a little more susceptible to sinus infections. I actually haven't had one in quite some time *knock on wood* but the worst one I ever had put me in a hospital because I could not breathe. It was awful. I wasn't admitted or anything, but they gave me some heavy drugs and sent me on my way. I then had to take a final in my marketing class that afternoon because the douche prof that taught it refused to give make-up exams. Hospital stays were no excuse. A-hole.

Joint Pain

I know this sounds like an old lady problem, but I played a combined total of 23 seasons of volleyball, basketball, and softball. That crap will add a few years of wear and tear to those joints. So when the weather starts getting cold, and especially when it first starts getting cold, my joints, especially my knees and ankles ache with every move I make. It really sucks to feel like a geriatric at the age of 26. I don't really have this problem in the summer though.

The General Sickies

I think you know what I mean: sore throat, effed up sinuses, headaches, whatever. I always have a problem during the winter of just feeling crappy without actually having a legit cold, flu, or virus. Sometimes this crappy feeling without measurable cause can put me out of commission for a few days. Lack of sleep tends to increase the intensity, length, and frequency of the general sickies. This means it will probably happen even more now that I work third shift.

So all this to say, EFF YOU WINTER! I hate you and the crappy things you do to my body. I'm even planning on moving south to get the hell away from you. Maybe I should grab a bat and beat the living crap out of your knees and then drain your skin of any and all moisture so you know how it feels. Then maybe you'd stop being such a bitch.

New Years - Bah Humbug

I'm going to share something with you all that may surprise you and something that I've never really shared with anyone probably because I only realized it recently: I hate New Years Day. I don't hate New Years Eve. I dig the whole ball drop, kiss me at midnight, partying, countdown business. . . as long as I'm not stuck at work like I was this year, but New Years Day, once the first minute or so passes, is really just another day with a few exceptions. And it's these exceptions that make it suck.

New Years Day marks the end of the holiday season which sucks. I love the holidays. I've told you before. I even had a few more "Things about Christmas that are great" posts rolling around in my head, but thanks to my own illness, Christmas itself, and kitty illness, they never made it from brain to blog. Maybe I'll just save it for next year. But anyway, I do love the holidays. It makes the cold and crappy weather suck much less. Time with families, etc. etc. So all of that being over. . . I don't like it.

New Years Day marks the return to reality. What I mean by that is, work will be getting back to normal. No more cookies and candy and other Christmasy goodies brought in. No more parties. All those people that were gone on vacation will be back. Lame. For most of my life, it also marks the return to school after a break. This year it was a very much needed six week break. I'm not ready to return to that lifestyle. My brain can't wrap itself around the fact that I can't just sleep and watch tv and stuff during the day like I have been. I have to go back to school. . . I don't like it.

New Years Day marks the beginning of the longest part of Winter. I know Winter officially starts on December 21st and the weather sucks for at least a few weeks before that. But that suckiness is offset by the holidays. It doesn't count. Now...there's nothing to look forward to until my birthday at the end of March. February is by far my least favorite month of the year. I spent most of my live absolutely loathing Valentine's Day. I don't hate it as much as I used to, but I still don't like it. Plus, bad things always happen in February in my life. Seriously. I traced the history of it. I've finally realized that I should never attempt new endeavors in February. They will inevitably fail. So all that to say, Winter just flat out sucks from here on out. No holidays to make it less sucky now. I don't like it.

New Years Day marks the beginning of everyone's New Years Resolutions. I'd like to tell you that I don't fall into the trap of changing my behavior just because it's the start of the new year, but that would be a lie. For some reason, it's always easier for me to make changes along with other changes going on. So I'm restarting my endeavor to lose weight which is always more difficult at this time of year because: 1) Everyone else has the same idea. Gyms are at their busiest for the first 3 months of the year. By about April, most resolutioners have crapped out. 2) It's cold. One big reason I fell off the healthy wagon earlier this month was because the temperatures were in the single digits and I just didn't want to go out in that mess in order to work out. It'll be easier now that I'll be on campus for school anyway, but it still sucks. I don't like that.

So there you go. I'm not a fan of New Years as it is the beginning of what is the most unpleasant chunk of the year for me. I've already warned you that I will be a bit grouchier than usual and that grouchiness will certainly leak onto my blog. The good news is, when I get pissy, I get wittier and snarkier which should provide better reading material for you all. :)

Crazies

On a certain level, crazy is not something to joke about. Crazy is a real thing, and I have experienced it first hand. A lot. But there is a different kind of crazy. A more personal kind of crazy. What I mean is, everyone has ideas about things that people do that are crazy and those ideas usually differ from person to person. So I'm here to share with you my idea of "crazy."

Even within my own personal brands of crazy, there are still different flavors of crazy. For instance, hoarders. If you've ever watched the TV show, you know what I'm talking about. I think everyone hoards to a certain extent. I still have the softball glove I used in little league, but that has a lot of sentimental value. I'm talking about the nutsos on that show that will keep something like a broken dresser drawer because they can use it to drain oil into the next time they change the oil in the car. It doesn't help that that particular drawer is just one thing in a giant massive shit heap of crap littering your yard, your garage, and your house to the point of needing rock climbing equipment to get up to the second floor. You might think I'm exaggerating, but I'm really not. I saw it with my own two eyes.. Why anyone would rather hold on to some useless piece of crap than to keep their house from getting demolished is beyond me, but that's why the show exists. To help those crazies.

Then there's another kind of crazy that might still seem sane to many people - lotsokids. Hubby and I do want to have kids, just not right now and not more than 2. Well, maybe 3, but definitely not more than that. That's about all I think we can cope with. So people who willingly have 6, 8, 12, or even 19 kids. . . I call that crazy. Why anyone would subject themselves to that kind of mayhem and money suck is something I just don't understand.

Then there's a group of people that take crazy to a whole new level: Alaskans.

I guess you could include Northern Canadians, but I cannot speak much of them because I have not been to Northern Canadia. I have been to Alaska, though. Let me tell you something. Alaska is beautiful. It's the kind of beauty that I don't think can really be appreciated unless you see it for yourself. There's something pretty amazing about looking out over an expanse of land reaching in all directions for about 100 miles and not seeing one single man made structure. Check it.

However, I will only step foot in that state between the months of May and September and here's why:

I went there on a business trip in mid-September. The temperature was usually in the 30s. The first day I went into work it was around 32, so I wore my big poofy winter coat, gloves, scarf, the whole bit because 32 is cold to me. Especially when you consider I had just left 70 degree Ohio. When I walked in, they looked at me like I was the strange one. Everyone was wearing a light jacket if they had anything at all. But before I even made it that far, I saw several people riding their bikes around. The kicker was seeing the bike with one of those little trailers behind it. You know, the things you force your little kids into. So those poor tots were riding around exposed to 30 degree weather against their will. Nuh-uh. Not me. As soon as I'm old enough to swipe Daddy's credit card and get on Priceline.com, I'm having William Shatner find me a one-way ticket to warmth and getting the hell out of dodge.

So naturally, being the sane person that I am, I asked the Alaskans a lot of questions about the weather, because to a "mainlander," Alaskan weather is actually a very fascinating subject. Most of the discussion was about things that happen at -40 degrees. Things like ice fog. According to wikipedia, "Ice fog is a type of fog consisting of fine ice crystals suspended in the air. It can happen only in cold areas of the world since water can remain liquid down to -40 °C (-40 °F)." What this means is, any liquid turns solid which includes things like the exhaust coming from your car. Imagine walking through that in solid form. Eugh. There's also square tires. At -40 degrees, the tires on your car freeze and therefore keep the flat shape at the bottom when it's sitting immobile. Makes for a bumpy ride until they warm up. If you go to any house, driveway, or parking lot, you will find outlets. Lots and lots of outlets because all cars pretty much have to be equipped with engine block heaters, oil pain heaters, and the like. Because at -40, even antifreeze freezes. So without the engine heaters plugged in, your car won't start.

That to me, folks, is a special level of crazy of which I will never ever enter. No way. The coldest temperature I've ever seen in my life is probably -7 or thereabouts. And I already want to move to a warmer climate.

There are lots of other flavors of crazy, but I'll save that for another day.

Reasons I Hate Winter Vol. 1

Dear Ohio Drivers,

There is this awful beast that seems to sneak up on all of you and it's called snow. Why it surprises you even though it arrives roughly the same time every year is beyond me, but it's clear that you don't expect it given the 4 cars I counted in the ditch on my way home this morning.

So I'm here to help you all out. Since you seem to have forgotten or never learned how to properly drive in snowy weather. I had the advantage of getting the stupid out by landing in a ditch when I was only 16. Never had any snow-related accidents since. So let me share my wisdom with all of you.

1. No Tailgating!

Tailgating is not only annoying, but also dangerous even in normal weather. It's especially inexcusable when there are 2 other lanes by which you can go around those who are not driving to your standards of speed. However, this is something that should NEVER occur when the road is covered with snow. As high as the chances are of you rear-ending the person in front of you in normal driving conditions, those chances increase by 973% with snow on the road. Back off.

2. Use Your Turn Signal.

If everyone followed #1, this wouldn't be quite as urgent. However, even when one gives the proper distance to the car in front of them, if they stop suddenly or even slow down a little to fast with no indicator to the person in front of them that they are slowing down to turn, rear-endage is likely. Personally, I believe turn signals should ALWAYS be used when one is turning, but I understand that some people can't be bothered to flip that little lever 2 inches.

3. Don't Drive Normally

Here's a little hint: if you're not sure what lane you're in or if you're even in a lane because the road is completely covered in snow and/or ice, you shouldn't be driving 80 mph. I don't care if you have 4 wheel drive. I don't care if you have the most winterized snow-crushing vehicle ever created, you're still dangerous. You can still slip and slide and fishtail and completely lose control of your vehicle. If you don't believe me, watch the Top Gear North Pole Special. You can also observe the fact that about 80% of the cars lying in a ditch are big-ass trucks or SUVs that are probably morons that think they can drive normally simply because they have 4 wheel drive. 4 wheel drive does not equal invincible.

4. Don't Drive Like A Grandma.

I learned today that most accidents on a highway are the result of #3 and #4 meeting. No, you shouldn't be barreling down the road at a high speed, but you also shouldn't be getting passed by Frosty the Snowman walking down the interstate. If you can get out of your car and walk faster than you're driving, then you should do just that. Leave the car at home and walk. You could be saving lives. And if neither of these things sound appealing...

5. Stay Home!

If you can't handle driving in inclement weather, then don't do it. Unless you are absolutely required to either go to work, take someone to a hospital, or get food because you're totally out and your only option is to start eating the cat, whatever you think you need to do can wait till the roads are clear. Getting cookies and milk to enjoy by the fire while you're stuck at home, although urgent, is not reason to go out into the white death. Stay home. Save lives.

Follow these few rules, and winter will be just a wee bit more bearable and old PirateGeek will appreciate it.

Peace!